Au revoir Colin and Malcom

So today is the day before.

I have worked this morning and this afternoon I need to pack my bags. I say bags, because I need one for the (Elizabeth) Hurley ward at the RB and one for Best Friend's house...

I don't know how long I stay in for. Makes packing harder. I mean, it's not like packing for a weekend at Babbington House, is it? I don't know how long and somehow, one thinks jeans and cowboy boots aren't de rigueur for the RB. Front opening things, seeing as I won't be able to lift my arm above my head for a good few days due to Malcom's exit.

Books. Lots of books. Reading is what I retreat into when dissociating. I will read, read, read. Pulp fiction will save the day and my mind.

Am I nervous? Not sure. I just want to get on with it. Bit like chemo, I can't spend any more time thinking about it, I need to just do it. Small children and old ladies have operations, and, just like Kylie I can do it too. I think.

There is one thing I want to say though. I have had so many emails and phone calls from friends saying 'once you get through this and then radiotherapy you can concentrate on getting better'.

'Better'?

I am not ill. I am having treatment to prevent me getting ill. I do not need to get better from cancer because cancer hasn't made me ill. Let's be honest, not even chemo made me particularly poorly, save that silly rash.

I need to 'heal' from where they cut me. That's all. Then radiotherapy will take up my time and, perhaps, make my skin a little sore at the very worst. Then again, I have met three women lately who had just finished radio and they all said it didn't affect them at all.

I hope I am the same.

So, once I am through this surgery and once I am through radio I don't need to get 'better'. I need to get on with life.

Oh, and get a job and somewhere to live.

Life huh? It has a funny way of knocking you sideways sometimes...

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu...


“When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better.” CS Lewis