The Drugs Don't Work (Part Two)

Ok. The Tamazepam didn't work last night.

I am not kidding.

I took it half an hour before bed, as prescribed. I slept for 5 hours and then bam, 4.30am I was wide awake. I felt fine though, and I wonder if perhaps I didn't need to sleep any more than that?

I shan't bother with it tonight. I feel fine now, with no lingering side effects (even my mouth is back to normal). If I can't sleep properly tonight, then there is something majorly wrong with me, period.

Yesterday, after a full night's sleep, I was completely back to my energy-full self. I motored at work and put in a 12 hour day and felt so much better for being 'me' again. I find it very difficult not being able to be my normal self, particularly as I don't look like me either. I know I should accept that chemo is going to alter the way I am or perhaps what I can achieve, but not being able to 'work' and 'be' myself is a very dificult thing to do. As I said, next chemo cycle I shall be ready for everything...painkillers (check), Tamazepam (check), special mouthwash (check).

I have no real plans for the long weekend. I was unable to think further ahead than an hour or two at the beginning of the week. I think a quiet weekend will do me good actually; a movie and a book. Mind you, the local village are having their summer fete in the garden on Monday, so not so quiet after all. Excellent! Cake stall and a darn fine cream tea!

"Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.

"Cake or death?"

"Eh, cake please."

"Very well! Give him cake!"

"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

"You! Cake or death?"

"Uh, cake for me, too, please."

"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"

"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"

"Well, I meant cake!"

"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?" - Eddie Izzard