Going, going...

Hey, I don't need to worry about bikini waxing anymore, because now my short and curlies are beginning to fall out.

Today, afraid of what would happen if I actually washed my hair, I patted it down with water.

And my hand was covered in hair. Thought it best not to put any wax on, seeing as that stuff is like glue and hair might come out in large clumps rather than single strands as I rubbed it in.

...is this what you men go through, once you reach a certain age and your father was a baldy? Poor you, men. I will never, ever joke about male pattern baldness again. It's amazing how cancer can make you a more empathetic person, even with the strangest of things that you never imagined you would think about in any great depth.

I am going to go into London on Saturday. Forgive me for being a wuss, but I think it might take me a little time to get used to having no hair at all and I think I ought to do what I have to do in town before the hair falls out...because I am not sure how long it will take me to get used to having no hair and I might not get into town for a very long time.

Thus, I am going to hit the bright lights of Liberty and Harvey Nicks with (almost) a full head of (very short) hair. My head scarf collection is going well, but I feel the need for a Pucci and rural Berkshire does not go as far as Pucci. Plus, Drummond said he might drag his rockstar ass into town with me and it is always good to have a fashionista art director on hand for these things.

I am trying to be chipper here. Does it show? I am not scared of it all going...I have had just over a month to get used to the idea plus the short hair cut has helped this...but it is hard. It is hard to imagine having no hair at all, when hair has been a defining characteristic in 'me'...from when I was a fledgling goth (Siouxie Sioux) to my post-goth grown up long tresses (more Cheryl Cole). My hair as been a defining thing for who I am and what I project ('don't fuck with me' to 'fuck me'). I am grateful that chemotherapy doesn't affect your feet...at least my show collection is still valid.

OK, deep breath. I am going to ring Ollie the Hair tomorrow and see if he can shave my head next week. This really is depressing. It's all very well talking about it and being chipper, but this is going to be a very difficult thing...ho hum. I will not cry. There are far worse things happening in the world right now me stressing about a shaved head or even me having cancer. This is my mantra today: 'it's not so bad, girl'.

"Bald is the new black!" Gail Porter