Doctors, Dentists and Oliver Twist

I have been a busy 'getting-ready-for'chemo' bee the last few days.

I am not sure why I am planning everything as if a medical armageddon is coming down upon me, but I am making sure nothing can go wrong with any other part of my self/me/life.

I was advised to see the dentist before it all kicks off...your teeth and gums can be affected and doing any work on them, particularly when your immune system is compromised, can be difficult.

Teeth all ok, but a wisdom tooth at the back has a tiny hole...dentist can't fill it really because of its position (which is why it has a tiny hole...dificult to clean). Dentist is loathe to pull it out though, which she would normally do, because it is a very large tooth with a big root...she thinks it would be dodgy so near chemo-infusions. I am under strict instruction to brush it everyday and make sure it doesn't get infected...and she will do a temporary filling. Thank god for private dental insurance...dentists cost more than breast consultants when you go privately!

Met Dr Lucy, my new GP. Dumbfounded her with my 'hello, I am a new patient and I wanted to touch base with you....me, I am as healthy as an ox but I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer'. She sat there and said 'but you have breast cancer and you are so matter of fact about it'...as if I was 'wrong'.

This concerns me. Am I being 'matter of fact' about it? Am I? Should I be concerned more? I know I have sort of asked this question before, but I am beginning to get worried because people say I am so brave/strong/inspirational/blah/blah, yet I feel perfectly normal. I note, and I must get used to, the 'a positive attitude will hold you in good stread' line. I hear it all the time now...I suppose I ought to expect it, what other things can people say to someone who has cancer?

I seem to spend as much time consoling and bolstering other people as I do preparing for medical armageddon these days...

Anyway, Dr Lucy is now Team Plaingoldband. 'I am here' she said, 'if you don't feel ok about it'.

Cheers, Dr Lucy. I am sure we will meet again...

Last night I went to see some young friends performing Oliver! Magical, how talented children are...how full of life and energy. All the more poignant really...I once played the Dodger in Oliver! as a kid...and it makes me think how we never know what's around the corner. Again, I am doing one of those 'if I could go back' things...was this mapped out for me when I was a kid? If I had been genome mapped as a child, would this have been there at the age of 41? Hey, anyone see the actress Glenn Close is the first woman to have her genome mapped to check her medical status?

Anyway, it's funny how things go. I wonder if this nostalgia-kicking thinking-back thing is normal? Did Kylie ever wonder, when she was playing Charlene and banging Jason Donovan, if her breast lump was already there, lurking about ready to surprise her in her late 30s and feck up her life for a bit. Did she wish she had done a Glenn Close? Better the devil you know? Give me just a little more time? You should be so lucky, Kylie...