Get cancer - go shopping

Oh yes, I have discovered 'cancer shopping'.

I am not a complete female shopaholic...I mean, I will buy stuff now and then, but I am not a 'window shopper' nor do I have credit card debts or covet very much out there.

But this cancer thing? You can buy 'stuff'!

So far, I have bought:

• A bag-for-chemo (above) This is Orla Keily: big enough to put a book/magazine and a bottle of water and, as it is made of oilcloth, I can wipe it clean if I puke up on it in the RB cancer suite


• A collection of scarves: so far, two Missoni; two Moschino; one Prada and a two straight black cotton non-designer (for when I feel particularly rough...no point cleaning puke off silk)


• A book called 'Nutrition for Chemotherapy'...I shall broccoli-shake myself to feeling less rough


• A book called 'Chemotherapy - A survivor's Guide'...oh yes, it will guide me through to survival.


• A collection of large, comfortable sweatshirts...over jeans, over leggings...for those days when only sloppy will do

My bro (remember? The one from fatherlet #1) is a registered hypnotherapist, who just happens to know a lot about self-hypnosis and relaxation during chemo. He sent me a CD with some very persuasive academic clinical research studies on this and survival rates. There is something to it, I am sure...however, I am not so sure whether I am a perfect candidate for hypnosis. I question authority, I am not a pushover. Those who are most likely to conform are most likely to perform positively under hypnosis. Open-mindedness, Plaingoldband, open-mindedness...I will give it a go. Once I feel like a bona fide cancer sufferer that is...

...because I am still feeling like a fraud. I mean they have told me I have breast cancer. Colin is real, Malcom is real. But I am still no clearer on when I start the treatment...like I said yesterday, I am in Purgatory. Shadowland. The place between diagnosis and treatment. I am not saying this is awful...I didn't feel awful/anxious/scared between biospy and pathology. I don't now.

But God damn it, I have got the chemo-bag, the scarves and the books. I am chemo-savvy and chemo-ready.

Let the fun and games begin. Before I get bored of all this...and my bag collects dust.